Retirement Books

Looking for the perfect gag retirement gifts for celebrating that is sure to get everyone laughing?  Zilly Books offers numerous retirement gift by career.  Look at the list below.

All titles in the 'Everything I Learned' series feature a 84 page book with a single punch line in Chapter 1 that  sums up all the knowledge about a particular subject followed by blank pages. 

To purchase a title and see a preview of the interior of the book, please click on the Buy Now button next to the book of your choice.

Don't see a joke that works for your celebration?  Create your own personalized retirement gift. Learn More.

Books By Subject (94 Titles)

• Retirement
  Punch line 1: Think of it as a long-term vacation.
  Punch line 2: You can finally move from the desk at the office to the couch at home.
  Punch line 3: (Nothing!)
• Accountant
  Punch line 1: Vacations always start on April 16th.
  Punch line 2: Now you don't count anymore.  
  Punch line 3: (Nothing!)
• Administrative Assistant
  Punch line 1: Now the boss will only call for help twice a day.
  Punch line 2: Now you'll have time to remove all those pens from your hair.
  Punch line 3: (Nothing!)
• Analyst
  Punch line 1: You can finally move from the the desk at the office to the couch at home.
  Punch line 2: Working any longer would be crazy.
  Punch line 3: (Nothing!)
• Banker
  Punch line 1: The only branches you'll be working on now are on the backyard trees.
  Punch line 2: (Nothing!) 
• Computer Programmer
  Punch line 1: Less time with the MS, more time with the MRS.
  Punch line 2: (Nothing!)
• Consultant
  Punch line 1: Who are you kidding? Consultants never retire.
  Punch line 2: It's called a day off - you'll like it.
  Punch line 3: (Nothing!)
• Doctor
  Punch line 1: You can officially start using your first name in public.
  Punch line 2: The only thing left to diagnose is your tennis elbow.
  Punch line 3: (Nothing!)
• Elementary Teacher
  Punch line 1: You don't have to look at another shiny red apple for the rest of your life.
  Punch line 2: It's like babysitting, but with a curriculum.
  Punch line 3: (Nothing!)
• Engineering
  Punch line 1: They didn't tell you this when you started, but now you have to take everything apart.  
  Punch line 2: Plenty of time for a cruise. The scenery in the engine room is amazing.
  Punch line 3: (Nothing!)
• Finance
  Punch line 1: Going from stocks and bonds to stocking the refrigerator.
  Punch line 2: Now you don't count anymore. 
  Punch line 3: (Nothing!)
• Firefighter
  Punch line 1: You'd better keep the siren. You are probably unaccustomed to stop lights.
  Punch line 2: (Nothing!)
• Government Employee
  Punch line 1: So, that's what they're calling furloughs these days?
  Punch line 2: (Nothing!)
• High School Teacher
  Punch line 1: You can officially start using your first name in public.
  Punch line 2: You don't have to look at another shiny red apple for the rest of your life.
  Punch line 3: (Nothing!)
• Information Technology
  Punch line 1: Less time with the MS, more time with the MRS.
  Punch line 2: Practice saying "Did you try the on button?" 
  Punch line 3: (Nothing!)
• Lawyer
  Punch line 1: Seven. It takes seven lawyers to screw in a light bulb.
  Punch line 2: (Nothing!)
• Management
  Punch line 1: There will never be a replacement for you, just a younger, faster version.
  Punch line 2: Golf is no longer an expense.
  Punch line 3: (Nothing!)
• Nursing
  Punch line 1: They're called "holidays"…you'll like them.
  Punch line 2: Now the only coma patient left to care for is your spouse on the couch.
  Punch line 3: (Nothing!)
• Pharmacist
  Punch line 1: No more "applying locally"…you'll be on a cruise.
  Punch line 2: From OTC to OTB.
  Punch line 3: (Nothing!)
• Police Officer
  Punch line 1: Keep the gun. Your kids are dating.
  Punch line 2: You'd better keep the siren. You are probably unaccustomed to stop lights.
  Punch line 3: (Nothing!)
• Postal Worker
  Punch line 1: Now the rain, sleet, and snow will be fun!
  Punch line 2: (Nothing!)
• Sales Representative
  Punch line 1: Tomorrow when you wake up, you'll still be in the same town.
  Punch line 2: Now you have to get your own phone, car, and laptop.
  Punch line 3: (Nothing!)
• Scientist
  Punch line 1: You made it through without blowing up the planet.
  Punch line 2: Scientists don't retire, they just lose their desk at work.
  Punch line 3: (Nothing!)
• Security Guard
  Punch line 1: Don't worry, you can still drink beer all day.
  Punch line 2: Don't worry, you can still watch TV all day.
  Punch line 3: (Nothing!)
• Vice President
  Punch line 1: It's like being a President, except with drinking, smoking, and gambling.
  Punch line 2: With all this "golden parachute" talk, you must be one great skydiver.
  Punch line 3: (Nothing!)

 

Best Sellers in Retirement

• Lawyer
  Punch Line: Seven. It takes seven lawyers to screw in a light bulb.

   

• Engineer
  Punch Line: They didn't tell you this when you started, but now you have to take everything apart.

   

• Management
  Punch Line: Golf is no longer an expense.